Sep 30, 2014

Discipline not Sex

One of the biggest problems for a couple who are just embarking on the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is keeping discipline real. A frequent cause of inadequate discipline is when the HOH becomes sexually aroused by the disciplinary process. Instead of concentrating on spanking his woman, he switches into a lovemaking mode.

This can occur quite early on in the disciplinary process. It is possible for some HOH's to become aroused simply by the sight of their woman's bare bottom. She may not even have had time to lay across his lap when his sexual interest turns the situation from a disciplinary one into a purely erotic one.

In other cases, the HOH may begin spanking his woman's bottom but will become aroused. Part way through her discipline or punishment, he stops spanking her and starts making love to her.

What is wrong with this situation? Isn't it good to make love? This lifestyle is called "Loving" Domestic Discipline, after all. While there is nothing wrong (and almost everything good) about making love, the start or the middle of a discipline is not the right time for lovemaking. A woman is disciplined for her own good, for the good of her relationship and for the good of her home and family. She is not disciplined as a means of making her remove her clothes for her HOH's sexual benefit. She is spanked to tears in order to teach her submission, obedience, respect, honesty, femininity and love. These are all very important lessons for a woman to be taught, which is why she needs to be disciplined for her own good.

Many people come to the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle through an initial interest in spanking as an erotic activity - usually, as a prelude to sex. The deeper significance and the personal benefits of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle are immediately appealing, turning an originally sexual interest into a far more profoundly personal growth based one.

It is not surprising, therefore, that occasionally an HOH may become distracted by the erotic potential of a spanking and forget his responsibilities in relation to disciplining his woman in order to improve her behavior and attitude. It is natural for an HOH to become aroused by the sight of his woman's bare bottom. His natural sexual instincts dictate such an attraction. Some HOHs are also attracted by the feel or the touch of their woman's bottom as they spank it. A woman's bottom is attractive to most men.

The impact of this kind of distraction on the woman being disciplined cannot be underestimated. It can be extremely disappointing for a woman to have her punishment or maintenance spanking turn into a lovemaking session, even though she would normally welcome the opportunity to have sex with her husband. It may seem illogical for a woman to be disappointed by the prospect of having her punishment canceled in favor of a lovemaking session. But the purpose of discipline is not sex, even if the couple will eventually make love some time after the woman's punishment.

The purpose of discipline is to teach the woman submission, obedience, respect, honesty and love. The purpose of discipline is to correct the woman's misbehavior or to remind her of her HOH's authority. The purpose of discipline is to reconnect the woman with her own femininity. The purpose of discipline is to reunite the woman with her HOH in a deep, loving and spiritual way.

When a woman is deprived of the discipline she knows she deserves and needs, her disappointment will not be fully replaced by the pleasure of sex. Even though she may feel temporarily relieved by the cessation of her painful, humiliating spanking, her relief will be short lived when she realizes that she has missed out on the positive learning experience that only Loving Domestic Discipline can provide. She has missed out on the deep emotional catharsis of being spanked to tears by her HOH. She has missed out on the even deeper emotional cleansing of a Tearful Discipline, in which she is spanked while she cries and sobs. She has missed out on the genuine forgiveness of her HOH. She has missed out on the tearful yet poignant reconciliation with her HOH after her spanking is completed.

She will often feel let down by her HOH. In a sense, this is correct, because he has neglected his disciplinary duties in order to seek his pleasure with his woman. There is a time for making love to her and there is a time for disciplining her. While no one can deny him the pleasure of looking at his wife's naked body, even during a punishment spanking, it is so much better for everyone concerned if he can prevent himself from giving in to his sexual urges before he has thoroughly disciplined his woman. When a woman is corporally punished, she needs to be punished thoroughly and she needs to be brought to a state of tearful submission. If she is not punished adequately, she may end up misbehaving more than she would have if she had not been punished at all. It is important that whenever a woman is disciplined by her HOH that her punishment is full, thorough and complete. If she is not sobbing and submissive by the end of her discipline, it is strongly possible that she was not punished adequately.

The purpose of this article is not to give ammunition to women who are frustrated by discipline sessions cut short by lovemaking. Yes, it is understandable if a woman feels frustrated, disappointed and uncared for when her spanking is unfinished. But no, it is not acceptable for her to angrily denounce her HOH's behavior, because this is both counterproductive and highly disrespectful. As a woman, she owes her HOH obedience and respect. She also owes him her loyalty, which is an expression of her love and her obedience.

How can the problem of sex overtaking the disciplinary process be resolved? The first solution is simply one of awareness. Simply realizing the detrimental effects of prematurely halting a woman's discipline can be enough for the HOH (and perhaps his woman too) to modify his behavior. Some women know that it would be better for them to be properly punished, yet will actively encourage their HOH's sexual attentions, merely to escape the pain of their spanking. This is not behavior that benefits the woman, so she should stop it. This issue is not always entirely the HOH's fault, it must be noted. If an HOH observes that his woman is attempting to use her sexual wiles to distract him from his duty of punishing her for her own good, he should realize that his woman is guilty of disobedience, dishonesty and disrespect. Since her disobedience has taken place during the disciplinary process, she has committed the type of offense that should be dealt with via a firm Disobedience Discipline. It is completely unacceptable for the woman to attempt to undermine the punishment process and her HOH's resolve by attempting to turn the situation from a disciplinary one into a sexual one.

The second solution to this problem is to deal with the issue of sexual arousal. One way of doing this is to simply have more frequent sex. If an HOH has to discipline his woman but has not had the chance to make love to her for some hours/days/weeks/months, he will be more likely to become aroused during the punishment process. Making love more frequently will mean that the woman's naked body will not be a stranger to her HOH. It will mean that his sexual appetites will have been more recently sated. This will free him to punish her more thoroughly, leaving her sobbing and submissive but ultimately deeply happy and fulfilled in her womanhood.

A third solution to unfinished discipline is to ensure that a higher ratio between sex and Maintenance Discipline exists. Some couples notice an uncomfortable relationship between the incidence of Maintenance Discipline and the incidence of lovemaking. That is to say, they are identical. There is nothing wrong with that, but if the sex starts interfering with the discipline, there is an issue that needs to be resolved. By making love more frequently than the woman's Maintenance Discipline schedule, the likelihood of sexual arousal interrupting the disciplinary process will be dramatically reduced.

Sometimes an HOH will feel as though he can only make love to his woman during or after discipline. This most commonly occurs when he has not yet realized that his wife should be fulfilling her conjugal duties at all times, not only when she is being disciplined or punished. If an HOH is afraid to take charge, he may only feel able to make love to his woman after he has disciplined her, because only then is he reasonably certain that she will not reject his sexual advances. It is important for him to teach his woman to be submissive at all times, not just during or after discipline. This includes her submitting to his amorous attentions as a loving and submissive wife should. When an HOH realizes this, he will feel free to make love to his woman whenever he likes, instead of only when he is disciplining her.

A fourth solution, which is the exact inverse of the third one, is to increase the frequency of the woman's Maintenance Disciplines. If the woman is receiving a maintenance spanking once a month, it might be time to increase it to twice a month or even weekly. If a woman is receiving a weekly Maintenance Discipline, her HOH might consider spanking her for maintenance two or three times a week instead.

How will increasing the woman's maintenance frequency help? Won't it just make the problem worse? In most cases, no. Increasing Maintenance Discipline frequency will make discipline a more common occurrence in the home. It will establish discipline as a separate, important activity that is clearly distinguished from sex. Do not forget that a regular Maintenance Discipline schedule not only helps the woman with her submission - it also helps the HOH with his consistency. More frequent maintenance spankings will encourage the HOH to be more consistent with discipline and less tempted to turn a disciplinary session into lovemaking before the woman has been properly punished.

Sep 29, 2014


Is Loving Domestic Discipline sexual in nature? This is a question that can create great controversy among practitioners and proponents of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Some people fervently believe that it has absolutely no sexual component, while others believe that it is entirely based on the transfer of sexual energies between the HOH and the woman he is disciplining.

The most important point to understand at the outset of this article is that we need to tolerate each others' differences, including differences of opinion on this most inflammatory of topics. Don't start reading this article looking for arguments to support your prejudices or personal preferences. Keep an open mind and a tolerant attitude towards people whose views might differ from your own. Because those people are still living the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle. They are not your enemies, after all. Remember that many people who do not practice Loving Domestic Discipline can be extremely judgemental about our lifestyle. Don't do the same thing to fellow practitioners of Loving Domestic Discipline. It is foolish and pointless to fight with your friends. Disagreement is not the same thing as enmity.


If you have read other articles on this blog, especially the article titled, "Submission", you will be familiar with the idea of different types of energy. In this case, we are talking about the differences between masculine and feminine energies, because they are different and complementary. Of course, women have a certain amount of masculine energy and men have a certain amount of feminine energy too, but a man's energy is predominantly masculine and a woman's is predominantly feminine.

These masculine and feminine energies express themselves in different ways. Not all masculine and feminine energy is sexual, for example. Men experience bursts of masculine energy when they are playing or watching sports, or spending time with their male buddies, or watching action movies. None of these is inherently sexual, but they are all expressions and experiences of masculine energy. Similarly, women experience and express feminine energy when they go shopping, even though shopping has nothing to do with sexual energy per se. Masculinity and femininity are related to sex and gender, but they are not always automatically sexual concepts. Not all masculinity is sexual and not all femininity is sexual, even though they have their origin in the differences between the sexes.

When men and women relate to each other, their energies combine in love and sex. Love is not always sexual and sex is not always loving, although it often is. The flow of masculine and feminine energies between a man and a woman creates a sense of unity and union, a sense of being part of something greater than one's individual self. This is a simple way for many people to experience spirituality in their daily lives. Another word for this is love. The love that exists between a man and a woman is a powerful force that involves both the sundering of individual identity and the feeling of being part of a greater whole.

Sex is a different energy from love, although sex can be an expression of love. Sex can also be a simple expression of sexual desire. It does not always have to include love. It is possible for two people who love each other to experience sexual desire for each other and to have sex together without that sex actually being an expression of their love. They may just be feeling sexy and enjoying each other's bodies and each other's sexual excitement. At other times, the sexual union of a man and a woman will be a profound expression of their mutual love for each other.

The male experience of sex is profoundly different from the female experience of sex. This sounds like a fairly obvious statement, but it is often forgotten by people who try to apply the same yardstick to both male and female experiences of sex. At its origin, sex is designed for procreation and the perpetuation of the species. So the basic desire for sex is a procreative one and the various mechanisms of sexual intercourse are attempts by our bodies, minds and souls to express this creative impulse. Not all forms of sex are actually procreative, but this does not change its basic qualities of union and creativity.

Often, a woman who practices Loving Domestic Discipline will notice that she feels much more submissive to her HOH after they have had sex or made love. This simple fact can be taken in more than one way. Some people will point to it as proof that Loving Domestic Discipline is primarily sexual, because sex can produce a similar feeling of love and submissiveness in a woman as she feels when she has been thoroughly and effectively spanked to tears by her HOH. Others might argue that the feelings of submission and love experienced by a woman after sex are due to the inherently submissive role of the female in normal sexual intercourse. In order to be penetrated sexually, the woman has to open her thighs and part the closed lips of her sex. Only then can her man penetrate her body. So her main experience of sex and sexual love depends entirely on an act of great submission. Submission lies at the core of feminine sexuality because it is a simple physical fact. The woman is rewarded with sexual pleasure because she has submitted to her man physically. Without that physical submission, she cannot participate in conventional vaginal sexual intercourse. So submission and surrender are deeply hard-wired into the female psyche, because the survival of the species literally depends upon it. Without feminine submission, there would be no people left on the planet.

On the other hand, submission does not hold the same positive benefits for men as it does for women. Surrender is what men do when they are soldiers who have lost a battle against an opposing army. This is not generally a good thing for men! The male experience of lovemaking has little to do with passivity and surrender, but everything to do with activity and domination. Please read the article called "Submission 1" for more information about the issue of submission and its role in Loving Domestic Discipline.


Not all sex is the same. This sounds like a fairly easy and obvious statement to make, since anyone who has had sex more than once will have experienced the different qualities of each separate episode. But many people think that you are either having sex or you are not, which then leads them to suspect that matters are either sexual or they are not. However, life is not quite so simple. Sex has many different qualities. It, like bratting, is really a spectrum of behavior, not a single kind of behavior. Some sex is an expression of sheer animal lust - the desire to possess or be possessed, the desire to impregnate, to procreate at all costs. This is an overwhelming urge to penetrate (or be penetrated) that fills people's awareness so much that they can think of nothing else until this desire is fulfilled.

Other sex is an expression of pure love between two people who are intimately connected. This kind of sex is inspired by love and is itself an expression of that love. It is a way of making real and physical this abstract but strong feeling of love between two people. It is a physical expression and concretization of the emotion of love. This is what "lovemaking" really means. It means making love into something real. Traditionally, a baby has been the ultimate expression of this.

Some sex is an experience of stress release. Some people release a lot of accumulated stress during sex and find that sex helps them to relax and feel calm. Sexual contact has an extremely grounding effect on people. No matter how worried they are, no matter how intellectual they are, no matter how focused on the external world they are - sex brings them back to Earth, because it brings them back into their bodies in a healthy and natural way.

Others release a lot of accumulated anger or frustration during sex and are left calm and placid afterwards. For others, sex is an expression of their masculinity or femininity - it is the expression and fulfillment of their intrinsic gender identity, and as such, is inherently fulfilling and satisfying. In a world where gender roles are often blurred or indistinct, the simplicity and clarity of the gender roles found in conventional heterosexual intercourse can be a breath of fresh air. Many women feel that they are obliged to act like men all day at work, which makes them feel like a failure as a woman inside. It can make them feel like they have betrayed their own femininity in order to make a living. Making love can help them to feel feminine again and female again, which makes them feel whole. Loving Domestic Discipline itself can also help to make a woman feel feminine again, so that she feels natural and fulfilled by her experience as a woman.

For some people, sex is a way of saying thank you to their partner. Oral sex, in particular, can function as a special gift of pleasure for the person receiving it, and so is a common way of expressing gratitude between a man and a woman. There are many other ways of saying thank you, of course, such as baking a cake, mowing the lawn, buying flowers, giving a back massage, cooking a delicious meal, etc. Sex is merely one of the ways of saying thank you.

The point of all this is that sexual behavior and sexual emotion are a continuum or a spectrum. It is not a simple difference like yes/no or on/off. Sex can mean all sorts of different things at different times, even in the same couple. Sex has all different sorts of significance, depending on the situation and the prevailing emotions and moods of the participants.


Now we will examine certain aspects of the experience and the energies of Loving Domestic Discipline in relation to sex. Specifically, we will look at the aspects of Loving Domestic Discipline that connect it to sexual energy of various types.

The first area of discussion is the bottom - specifically, the female bottom. The bottom is a very sexy area of a woman's body. It is an erogenous zone which attracts the eye of the opposite sex and which is associated with touching, stroking and squeezing during lovemaking. Physical contact with a woman's bottom is normally pleasing for both the man and the woman during sex. A swimsuit has traditionally always covered a woman's buttocks because of their erotic and sexual significance, but this rule is changing as the wearing of thongs on the beach is becoming more popular and more acceptable. Of course, it must be remembered that during Victorian times, the mere sight of a lady's ankle was regarded as sufficient to send a man into a sexual frenzy from which he would rarely recover, if ever. So the definition of erogenous and non-erogenous zones of the body has changed over the decades and the centuries.

It also seems that on an evolutionary level, the female body has evolved through sexual selection as much as through the need for survival. According to recent scientific research, the shape of a woman's breasts is not functionally ideal. Female monkeys have breasts which are thin and pointy, because that shape is easier for a baby monkey to suckle from. The more spherical and rounded shape of a woman's breasts actually make it harder for a human baby to drink from, because it is slightly more difficult for the baby to breathe. The rounded contours tend to get in the baby's face more than a narrow, pointed breast would. But human males have preferred rounded breasts over the millennia, and so women's breasts are rounded as a result. And babies still manage to breastfeed without too many problems. One might infer a similar conclusion about the rounded shape of the female bottom. It has probably evolved that shape due to male sexual preferences. But who knows - the female bottom may owe its delightfully rounded shape to women's ongoing need for Loving Domestic Discipline throughout the ages and women's need to protect their bottoms from the inevitable spankings that they receive as a result of their misbehavior! ;)

So any activity such as Loving Domestic Discipline which involves spanking the misbehaving woman's bottom may be directly connected with sex and sexuality, because it is an erogenous zone of the woman's body which is receiving the punishment spanking. It may be construed as being a sexual act because it is taking place on a sexualized area of the body, even if its primary motive is discipline and correction, and even if the end result of the process is not sexual union and orgasm, but rather tears, sobbing and repentance. Any bottom spanking has a sexual connection because of the sexual significance of a woman's buttocks.

Another important feature of the Loving Domestic Discipline process is that many women experience the physical symptoms of sexual arousal during spanking, even a punishment spanking for misbehavior. The main indicator here is lubrication - many women (but not necessarily all women) find that they become wet between their legs as a result of their discipline spanking, even if they are not consciously sexually aroused. This lubrication is part of the feminine sexual response to being dominated by a male who is disciplining her.

Some men find a similar thing happens to their own anatomy when they discipline their women. It is not uncommon for an HOH to discover that he has an erection while he is spanking his wife as she lies over his lap. This does not happen to all men, however. Nonetheless, men are very visual and the close physical proximity of his woman's bare bottom can be very stimulating for a man, even if he is punishing her for disobedience. So it is not so surprising that some men might develop erections as they discipline their women, as a natural sexual response to this stimulus.

The biggest factor that leads many people to conclude that Loving Domestic Discipline is primarily sexual is that some couples are inclined to make love after a discipline session. Once the spanking is over, once the woman's tears have dried up and once she has been gently and lovingly forgiven by her HOH, many couples have a strong desire to make love. Some couples feel as though this lovemaking is contrary to the disciplinary spirit of Loving Domestic Discipline and will actively avoid lovemaking until later, so that discipline and sex are not confused. Others feel that this lovemaking is a natural conclusion to the process of discipline and is no threat to their Loving Domestic Discipline arrangement.

Another significant factor that connects Loving Domestic Discipline and sexuality is that most couples in the lifestyle find that their sex lives improve dramatically after they begin Loving Domestic Discipline. They start using it to try to improve their relationship, sometimes as a last-ditch attempt to rescue things before divorce becomes necessary, but discover that not only does Loving Domestic Discipline save their marriage, but it also brings their sex life back from the dead! This is a certain indication for many that sex and Loving Domestic Discipline are intimately linked.

Some couples take the connection between discipline and sex even further. Some women will verbally thank their HOH after their punishment, because he has taken the time and trouble to correct and discipline her for her own benefit. Others will thank their HOH in a more sexual manner, by kneeling before him and performing oral sex on him, as a very personal and intimate way of saying thank you. The woman who performs this loving act of service for her HOH chooses to give thanks to her HOH in a sexual way, not just a verbal one. Some women will kneel before their HOH and serve him orally even before they have stopped crying, so urgent is their desire to express their gratitude to him in a sexual manner. Some HOH's are sexually excited by this kind of tearful service while others are disturbed by it. Those who are excited by it feel that it is a further disciplinary tool to inspire submission in their woman after she has been punished, and that it is their rightful reward as the HOH for having taken the trouble to properly and justly discipline the woman. Since this discipline has primarily been for her own benefit, she ought to thank him as humbly and as submissively as possible, as part of her punishment.

Some women feel strongly aroused by having to kneel before their HOH and fellate him while still crying, because it excites their own strongly submissive urges. Sexual service of this nature is a profound statement of submission, femininity and love, for the women who perform it. They are sexually aroused and fulfilled by having to serve their HOH in such a humiliating and submissive manner, immediately after their punishment. Although this kind of kneeling, sobbing fellatio is not practiced by the majority of disciplined women, it is still nonetheless a practice which does exist. It does seem to indicate the presence of a strong sexual component to Loving Domestic Discipline.

So there are many different factors and experiences that connect Loving Domestic Discipline and sexuality. Some of them are involuntary and unconscious while others are performed consciously and knowingly.


For many other people, Loving Domestic Discipline is not sexual. Some people believe that Loving Domestic Discipline is mandated by the Bible and is inherently non-sexual. Others believe that it is both Godly and sexual, while others believe it is neither God-given nor sexual. We will now explore some of the experiences and theories about the non-sexual aspects of Loving Domestic Discipline.

The basic technique of Loving Domestic Discipline is spanking which is applied to the woman's bottom. Why choose the bottom for spanking, anyway? If Loving Domestic Discipline is not sexual, why not spank somewhere else that is not an erogenous zone? The choice of the woman's bottom as the spanking target would seem to indicate that the motivation for spanking is primarily sexual. In fact, this may not be true, because there aren't many other places on the body where you don't find major veins or arteries, or delicate bones, or unprotected internal or external organs or glands. The bottom has none of these, which is why the safest place to spank a woman is on her bottom. The fleshiness of her buttocks protects the woman's body, as well as protecting the man's hand from injury as he spanks her. Many people believe that the sheer practicality and safety of the female bottom as the site for spanking is the reason for the attention that is focused on it, not because the entire practice revolves around sexuality.

Some people may ask why the hands are not used as a discipline site instead of the bottom, if Loving Domestic Discipline is not primarily sexual. But the hands cannot be spanked easily and safely. Instead, they have to be struck with a leather belt. The hands contain many small bones which are potentially liable to fracture under violent blows, whereas the bottom does not. A woman's bottom is simply the safest and easiest place to spank her. You don't need any special implements - just a firm hand and the determination to get the job done.

Another factor that helps many people to distinguish the sexual from the non-sexual in Loving Domestic Discipline is that some women receive both erotic spankings and discipline spankings. These women (and the men who spank them) are fairly clear about the difference between the two types of spankings. Erotic spankings result in erotic stimulation and usually end in lovemaking, while discipline spankings result in emotional and physical pain and usually end in tears and contrition, not sex. The distinction is quite dramatic and most women who have experienced both types of spanking will know that they would never confuse eroticism with discipline. Most men who have given both kinds of spanking (erotic and punishment) will also be quite certain about the differences between each type. An erotic spanking is fun and playful, while a punishment spanking is an unpleasant but necessary duty that a man has to perform. It is about making her cry genuine tears of remorse and repentance. It is about humbling her. It is about teaching her a lesson. It is not, generally speaking, an occasion for either levity or sexual games.

Some erotic spankings can actually be harder and more painful than a punishment spanking, yet the woman being disciplined will be able to take more swats without shedding a single tear, instead becoming sexually aroused as a result of her spanking. If all Loving Domestic Discipline is sexual, surely she should be crying during her harder erotic spanking and becoming aroused during her lighter punishment spanking. Yet a woman will not cry during a severe erotic spanking, even though she sobs loudly during a much less severe punishment spanking. This seems to suggest that it is not the activity that is or is not sexual - it is the intent, the mood and the ritual that determine whether the end result is sexual or disciplinary in nature. Not all spanking is sexual.

Often, a man's sense of disappointment in his woman, because of her misbehavior, will block or blunt any sexual feelings that he might otherwise have. It is often a sad, unpleasant and rather tiring duty to have to punish a woman for her misbehavior, especially when a man loves her and wants to see her do well. These feelings of disappointment can act as a potent antidote to any sexual feelings that he might otherwise have about spanking his woman. His pleasure at seeing and touching her bare bottom can easily be outweighed by his disappointment in her misbehavior and his sadness at having to discipline her for it.

A similar feeling can block or prevent a woman's sexual response to a spanking situation when she is being punished for her misbehavior. Instead of feeling sexually aroused, her predominant feelings are often fear (at her impending punishment), disappointment in herself for having done something she shouldn't have, and a sense of shame for having disappointed the man who loves her more than anyone else in the world - her HOH. These negative feelings will usually tend to outweigh the normal feelings of sexual desire that might be associated with spanking in a more erotic situation. Having her bottom bared by her man might normally be a prelude to sex, but during discipline it is a prelude to being punished for misbehavior, which is a completely different thing. Some women will even start crying before their spanking begins, so strong is their sense of shame at having disappointed the man they love, via their own silly misbehavior.

The fact that a woman may sometimes become wet between her legs as a result of her spanking is not necessarily a positive proof that Loving Domestic Discipline is primarily sexual and that her primary motivation for being spanked is sexual. This lubrication may also be seen as a sign of submission, rather than a sign of arousal. Although submission is strongly connected to a woman's experience of sex, it does not automatically follow that all submission is sexual. In Loving Domestic Discipline, she is submitting to her HOH's will, which can be fulfilling in itself for some women, because this act of submission confirms and validates her sense of femininity. It makes her whole as a woman. It provides her with a deep experience of her own femininity, because she experiences surrender to a stronger, masculine force - her HOH.

Some couples who practice Loving Domestic Discipline often end up making love after the woman has been punished for her misbehavior. This act is as much about emotional and loving reconnection as it is about sexual desire. Some couples end up making love after eating dinner, or going to the movies, or going for a walk. It does not automatically mean that their dinner or movie or walk was an inherently sexual experience. It just means that their activity triggered some kind of emotional closeness that they wished to cement and express via their subsequent lovemaking. The same thing applies to a typical punishment spanking in Loving Domestic Discipline.

People often notice that the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle has a big effect on a couple's sex life. It tends to improve it dramatically. This would seem to indicate that its effect is very sexual. But other things improve a couple's sex life too. Getting a higher paid job can be a big boost for a man's ego, which can really lift his performance in the bedroom. But no one would say that his job promotion is inherently sexual, even though it has a positive side effect on his libido. Having a job that produces less stress can be very helpful for some couples' sex lives. But low stress is not inherently sexual. It simply frees up more life energy for use in more fun activities such as lovemaking. Taking a ski holiday in the snow together can help a couple's sex life. But skiing itself is not inherently sexual. People normally ski fully clothed, not nude. It is the sense of adventure, fun and togetherness that skiing creates which can help to bring a man and a woman together sexually.

People find that Loving Domestic Discipline improves their sex life simply because it improves other parts of their life too. If a couple spends less time battling for control of their relationship and arguing about trivial or petty issues, they are obviously going to have a lot more love available for other activities. They are obviously going to have a lot more energy available for other activities. They are obviously going to feel closer to each other, and more connected to each other. They are probably going to want to express their newfound (or regained) sense of connectedness. The act of lovemaking is an excellent way for a couple to express these improved energies and feelings. But the connection between Loving Domestic Discipline and sex is not necessarily direct. Loving Domestic Discipline helps so many aspects of a couple's life together. It returns them to a more natural and loving way of relating to each other. Living this way, it is not surprising that they should want to make more frequent and more passionate love to each other. It is a sign that a healthy balance within the relationship has been restored. It is not a sign that Loving Domestic Discipline is some kind of sexual Viagra, but rather that it is a kind of emotional Viagra. It starts the sexual relationship where all sexual urges begin - in the mind. The disciplinary process reconnects the couple, it gives the disciplined woman a profound experience of submission and femininity, and it re-establishes their love relationship. Sex is just an expression of this amalgam of experiences and feelings, not necessarily the goal.

As previously mentioned, some women kneel before their HOH after being disciplined and fellate him. It is easy and logical to assume that this is quite obvious proof of the sexual nature of Loving Domestic Discipline: the woman is spanked for misbehavior, but afterwards she performs oral sex on her HOH. The misbehavior and the punishment seem like a mere pretext for sex, viewed this way. However, on the other hand, her kneeling sexual service is as much a sign of her gratitude, submission, and loving reconnection as it is a sign of sexual desire. For some women, the desire to submit is so strong that they receive as much gratification from submission as they do from direct sexual contact. It is hard to distinguish the submissive urges from the sexual urges in such a case, because they are both separate and intimately connected.

Some women may feel aroused before a punishment spanking, because it contains all the elements that might normally arouse them - being dominated by their HOH, being fully or partially nude, and having close physical contact with their HOH as they lay across his lap. But this sense of sexual arousal can be fleeting, because it is usually interrupted by the pain of the spanking. The pain of the punishment spanking will usually rapidly dissipate any sexual arousal that the woman has been feeling prior to her actual spanking.

Scolding will increase this even further. When a man scolds his woman for misbehavior during the Loving Domestic Discipline process, he will bring her attention to her attitude and actions. If her attention was on the sexual side of things before, it will be quickly brought to the actual fact of her misbehavior by her HOH's scolding. Scolding plays a major role in emphasizing the disciplinary nature of a punishment spanking and differentiating it from an erotic spanking.


I hope that after reading this article you will have realized that Loving Domestic Discipline and sex are far more complicated than an either/or situation. Ultimately, it is neither important nor useful to ask whether Loving Domestic Discipline is primarily sexual or primarily disciplinary. Because it is both and it is neither. Sometimes it is both at the same time, and sometimes it is just one. It does not really matter in the end whether it is sexual or not, because it works. It brings people together. It promotes love. It creates harmony. It engenders respect. It creates happiness. It teaches obedience. It inspires honesty. It just works.

The main situation in which it is worthwhile being aware of the sexual side of Loving Domestic Discipline is when a couple finds themselves using pretend reasons for a spanking, especially sexual discipline. Saying that a woman has no right to masturbate on her own because her body belongs to her HOH is not really Loving Domestic Discipline - it is a pretext for an erotic spanking. Calling it a discipline spanking is not being entirely honest. Sometimes this situation will arise because the woman simply needs a stress relief spanking, or because her HOH simply needs to give her more frequent Maintenance Discipline spankings. At other times, this situation may be a sign that the couple might want to explore using erotic spankings as a way to stimulate their sex life, while keeping punishment spankings for genuine cases of female misbehavior.

But spanking a woman for serious misbehavior (e.g. taking foolish risks with her own life or the lives of others) is not sexual. That is a genuine punishment spanking which will benefit her greatly, in a number of different ways. Some of those ways may be sexual, while most will not. If Loving Domestic Discipline were exclusively sexual, it would have no connection with the world outside a couple's bedroom. But it does. It does relate to behavior outside the bedroom, and it does positively affect the way that a woman conducts herself in completely non-sexual situations. If Loving Domestic Discipline were exclusively non-sexual, it would never result in sex after spanking, nor male or female sexual arousal during a spanking, nor a generally improved sex life together.

Another interesting point which is relevant to this discussion is that it is not always both partners who are aroused or are not aroused by the disciplinary process. Sometimes both people will be aroused by discipline but will purposely defer lovemaking so as not to confuse the issue. Sometimes it is the man who is aroused by spanking his wife for discipline, and at other times the wife is the one who is sexually aroused by her punishment. So making a blanket statement that Loving Domestic Discipline is or is not sexual will simply not apply to those couples who have a differing experience of discipline and sexuality.

People tend to be fascinated by whether Loving Domestic Discipline is sexual or not because they have a great deal of residual subconscious guilt about sex. They feel that if Loving Domestic Discipline is sexual, then they will feel comfortable with its more challenging personal implications, because sex is easier to come to terms with. Or they feel that if Loving Domestic Discipline is non-sexual, then they don't have to worry about being naughty and offending the Lord or their neighbors. But simplistic thinking like that is a trap, because it provides an easy way out that actually leads nowhere. Humans and human sexuality are far more complex than most of us imagine. Loving Domestic Discipline provides us with a simple, effective and loving way to address that complexity and integrate our needs for love, harmony and respect with the demands of daily life in a heterosexual relationship.
Constructive feedback or questions are always welcome

Sep 25, 2014


Some people who practice the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle have very strong opinions about whether the disciplinary process is humbling or humiliating to the punished woman. There are those who believe that a punishment spanking is appropriately humbling, but does not humiliate the woman in any way. Others believe that humiliation is an integral part of disciplining a misbehaving woman and has its own beneficial effects. The debate on this issue rages with one major point overlooked by many: most women who engage in this debate are spanked in more or less the same way with very similar results - tears, repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation and love. Those who argue the humbling/humiliation issue are often ignoring the fact that it is largely a semantic argument, not an emotional or practical one. 

There is an even bigger point that is missed by people who engage in this controversy: the fact that humbling and humiliation are not as important as some may believe. What is much more important in Loving Domestic Discipline is something called shame. (Hopefully this article will not arouse a new debate with some women claiming that their punishment spankings are shaming while others protest loudly that their own disciplines are merely chastening!)

What is shame? As a noun, its primary definition is "a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety." This meaning is the most important one for the purposes of Loving Domestic Discipline. Its secondary definition is "a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute," which is the kind of shame that goes beyond humbling into a deeper sense of humiliation for the punished woman. For all situations and for all couples, the first definition of shame will suffice, while the second definition will come into play for those who are comfortable with the idea of humiliation. 

One of the effects of taking the misbehaving woman and spanking her soundly is to make her feel ashamed of her behavior. This is one of the main goals of Loving Domestic Discipline, since it is about teaching the woman to modify her behavior - for her own good and for the good of those around her. Loving Domestic Discipline helps to make the woman ashamed of her misbehavior - her words and/or her attitudes. In short, it makes her ashamed of what she has said and done. 

Loving Domestic Discipline is not designed to make the woman ashamed of herself for who she is: Mexican, Caucasian, African-American, short, tall, redhead, brunette, etc. It would be both cruel and pointless to spank a woman in order to make her feel ashamed of who she is, because she can't change that. What she can change, however, are her attitudes and her behavior. When an HOH disciplines his woman, he is helping her to modify her attitudes and her behavior.

Is shame the same thing as humbling or humiliation? No, it is not. Shame can result from humbling or humiliation, but it can also result from many other additional factors too. The entire process of disciplining a woman by spanking her to tears creates a synergistic effect that helps to shame the woman so that she can become aware of her guilt. Awareness of her guilt helps her to begin to take responsibility for her misbehavior and accept her punishment as both necessary and beneficial.

Shame is a necessary part of Loving Domestic Discipline, because the woman's awareness of her guilt is critical when she is being punished for her misbehavior. It is vital that she understand that she is made to feel ashamed, because her feelings of shame precede many other positive attitudinal changes. If she does not first feel shame, she will never get to those other, more positive emotions that lie further down the track. 

Shame is not the only goal of Loving Domestic Discipline. It is only a step, albeit an important one, along the way. Loving Domestic Discipline is a process. Loving Domestic Discipline is also a journey that takes the woman from negative attitudes or behaviors into positive attitudes and behavior. The woman is guided along this journey by her husband, who, as her HOH, is there to lead her through the process of her punishment so that she can emerge changed, loving, submissive, positive, obedient, respectful and honest at the journey's end. 

How does shame benefit the woman who is being disciplined for her misbehavior? Shame works on a number of different levels to bring about positive change in the spanked woman. Shame breaks down her pride, her arrogance and her pigheadedness. These are some of the negative qualities that have caused her attitude problem or feminine misbehavior in the first place. Negative qualities like stubbornness and arrogance are closely linked to the causes of her misbehavior, because they create a strong resistance to change. When the woman is resistant to positive change as suggested verbally by her HOH or as previously agreed by both parties, she remains locked in her negative behavior and attitude. At this point, spanking her is critical to break down her resistance to change. The feeling of shame that she experiences during her spanking helps to break down her resistance to change. That is why it is so important to shame the punished woman.

Resistance to change, in this case, is about the woman's resistance to learning. She has already been given at least one opportunity to learn the easy way. She has presumably been brought up to know the difference between right and wrong, between helpful and harmful behavior, between loving and hateful words. Her HOH has set her a good example of positive behavior. They have discussed what constitutes punishable misbehavior under their Loving Domestic Discipline agreement, whether it is verbal or written. 

Yet, for whatever reason, the woman has rejected these opportunities to learn the easy way. Instead, she has chosen to behave in a negative, disrespectful, dishonest, disobedient and non-loving manner. For this misbehavior, she must be punished by her HOH. Instead of learning the easy way, she must now learn the hard way - by being put over his knee and spanked to tears until she has learned her lesson. 

Shaming the misbehaving woman helps to break down her resistance to learning. The rigidity in her outlook that is a product of her proud and stubborn attitude needs to be dealt with so that she can start to learn her lesson in a more flexible and positive way. 

Ultimately, shaming the woman who is being disciplined helps to break down her resistance to love. When she is proud, arrogant and stubborn in her attitude, she is resistant to both giving AND receiving love. She refuses to give love except on her own terms. And usually, she also refuses to receive love from her HOH. He is obliged to turn to the techniques of Loving Domestic Discipline and punishment spanking in order to communicate his message to her and return her to a more loving outlook. The act of disciplining her is always ultimately a loving act, because it is performed to help his woman become a better woman, a better wife and a better person. 

Shaming benefits the spanked woman by contributing to teaching her a lesson. The woman's realization of her own misdeed is the key to turning her attitude and behavior around, so that she can move from an arrogant, non-loving attitude to a submissive, loving one. It is the critical moment - when the spanking changes from being something (in the woman's mind) that a "cruel" HOH imposes unilaterally on his "poor, innocent" wife, to a justly deserved and lovingly administered punishment that is designed to correct and help the woman. That moment comes when the woman realizes that she was in fact at fault. She was wrong to misbehave the way she did. That moment occurs when she first starts to feel ashamed of her behavior and attitude. When she begins to feel ashamed, she starts to really learn her lesson. Until then, the entire spanking is slowly and painfully leading up to the point of awakening her sense of shame.

The unpleasantness of being spanked is a strong deterrent against future feminine misbehavior. The even greater unpleasantness of being made to feel ashamed of her behavior reinforces and enhances the deterrent effect of a spanking. 

Giving the misbehaving woman a sense of shame for her misbehavior improves the beneficial effect of her punishment. The many benefits of Loving Domestic Discipline, including catharsis, cleansing of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions, submission, obedience, etc - these are all enhanced by the woman's feeling of shame at her misbehavior and her feeling of shame that she needs to be spanked in order to teach her a lesson. 

Her feeling of shame has a synergistic effect with the pain of her spanked bottom. It combines with the pain of her spanking to deliver a result that is more than the sum of its parts. Spanking her alone without shaming her would not be sufficient to discipline her properly. Neither would shaming her without spanking her. She needs both experiences as a woman to really learn her lesson. She needs to be made to experience the pain of her spanking and she also needs to be made to feel the shame of her guilty realizations about her own misbehavior. Shaming her reinforces the pain in her spanked bottom. And vice versa.

Shame is also beneficial for the disciplined woman because it helps to bring her to tears. Many women find that they don't necessarily cry from the pain of their spanking. What really makes a woman cry is the sudden realization that she has let herself and her HOH down. She has behaved in such an immature, selfish and negative way that he has been obliged to spank her like a child, to bring her to her senses. This realization of how badly she has behaved will often be the trigger that causes a woman's tears to begin flowing. She will sob in shame because she has understood the reason for her punishment. She will sob in shame because she knows that her negative behavior has resulted in her HOH having to administer a punishment spanking to teach her a lesson. She will sob in shame because she realizes that she has hurt at least two people with her misbehavior - herself and her HOH. Her sense of shame should also enable her to understand that her HOH is disciplining her because he loves her. The realization that her HOH is actually spanking her out of love will often make the woman cry even harder, because she suddenly sees how unloving her own behavior was, and how much she needed to be disciplined. 

The shame that a woman experiences as she is being spanked to tears will also have the wonderful benefit of leading her directly to more submissive feelings and attitudes. Her shame for her misbehavior will make her realize that not only should she submit to her punishment to help cleanse her shame cathartic ally, but that she should also submit even more willingly to her HOH, who has had the love and the wisdom to recognize her misbehavior and to administer a firm punishment spanking as a consequence. Shaming the spanked woman is very important in helping her to submit to both her punishment and to her HOH. Her feelings of shame lead directly to much deeper submission, and therefore, a more fulfilling experience of her own femininity. Shame helps to bring her back to her true, feminine, loving core. 

The connection between shame and submission is very important for the concept of Maintenance Discipline spanking. The shame that a woman experiences as a result of receiving a bare-bottomed Maintenance Discipline spanking helps her to feel more submissive. These feelings of submission that are triggered by her shame are highly beneficial for her as a woman. Her submissive feelings help her to benefit greatly from regular Maintenance Discipline. These feelings are directly contributed to by the sense of shame she feels when she is spanked for maintenance or for punishment. It must be noted that shame is not the only cause of a woman's feeling of submission when she is disciplined or punished. There are many other factors that also contribute to her submissive feelings, not just shame. But shame is an important one and should not be neglected.

Some people wonder if shame can be avoided in Loving Domestic Discipline. Perhaps the woman can be spanked without shaming her. Perhaps she could experience the (for some women) sexually stimulating effect of being spanked on her bottom without being made to feel ashamed of her misbehavior. As you can probably guess, this is simply not true. Shame is an integral part of the disciplinary process in Loving Domestic Discipline. Whenever the woman needs to be punished for her misbehavior, she also needs to be made to feel ashamed. Shaming her is a vital, integral component of her punishment. 

Sep 20, 2014

Try this Worksheet then turn it over ...........




Step One: Why Am I Here?

I want to have sex because __________
I want sex to make me feel _________
My definition of sex is _________

Step Two: What Do I Want?

What do I fantasize about? __________
What are my happiest sexual memories? _______________
Which sex scenes in fiction interest me?_________
Is there a kind of sex I have an intellectual fascination/curiosity with?__________
If I could do anything I wanted sexually, with a guarantee that I would have a willing partner for it
and no one would shame me for it, what would I want then?________

Step Three: What Will We Do?

The one thing I would most like to experience this time is __________________
Something that will relax me before sex is _________
Something that will get me turned on is __________
Do I have a pretty specific idea of what I want, or do I want to figure it out as we go?________
Do I want one of us to take charge of what we do? ______________
Do I want to do anything outside the “standard” idea of sex? ______________
Is there something I want to experiment with, but am not sure if I'll like it?_______

Step Three: What Will We Not Do?

If I need to stop, I will say “STOP” or __________ If I ask for a stop, it means sex needs to stop RIGHT
NOW. I can ask for this at any time for any reason. I will never debate or criticize when my partner asks to stop.
If I need a break, I will say is “HOLD ON” or _____________ If I use this word, it means we're going too fast
or I need to say something. Sex needs to pause RIGHT NOW until we both understand and have addressed the
My relevant health concerns are ______________ (STI/STDs, mobility/flexibility limitations,
surgeries/injuries, pregnancy, prosthetic s/implants...)
If I have PTSD/panic attack/phobia/other psychological triggers, they are ______________ (certain
words, being touched in a certain way, being unable to move...)
We will avoid STI transmission and/or pregnancy by ______________
Anything else my partner should know about me, my needs, limits, or desires?____________

Sep 4, 2014


medium jpg

 What many men seek in marriage is not great beauty, brains or sex, but the simple feeling of "possessing" a woman. In other words, what they seek is a degree of ownership or power -This is the key to intimacy, how two people become one. When a man wins a woman's love, she entrusts herself to him. And of course he aspires to be worthy of this responsibility.Marriage is the exchange of feminine worldly power for masculine love and protection. Of course, women retain other forms of power, i.e. aesthetic, moral, emotional, intellectual etc.When a woman chooses a man to love, she will defer to his superior judgment and power. This is the only kind of man she should marry. This is how a woman loves.Similarly, a man cannot love a woman who defies and challenges him constantly.-"Femininity is a gentle tender quality found in a woman's appearance, manner and nature. A feminine woman gives the impression of softness and delicateness. She has a spirit of sweet submission, and a dependency upon men for their care and protection. Nothing about her appears masculine, no male aggressiveness, competence, efficiency, fearlessness, strength, or the ability to kill her own snakes."A man needs to feel that he is needed, and that he excels his woman in his role.If she becomes independent, he may question his purpose and his feelings for her "since his romantic feelings partly arise from her need to be protected, sheltered and cared for." -A woman should accept her husband at face-value and not try to change him. His pride and freedom are inviolable. She should focus on his good qualities and he will improve naturally in response to her.

Sep 3, 2014

Control and Dominate

 do not see how it is possible for a wife to submit to a man who does not dominate her. Without his dominance she has nothing to submit to. This is where a lot of men go wrong; they try to have a marriage that is a democracy where power shifts between husband and wife. In such a marriage the wife never feels entirely safe and secure because at times she has a supporting husband but other times she is all alone.

Take control of blow jobs. When receiving a blowjob, instead of letting her do all the work, "face fuck" her. Grab the side of her head and push her down onto your cock. For beginners, don't push too far down. For more hardcore individuals, push her down until it reaches the back of her throat. Pull out, look her in the eye and smile while stroking her cheek. Then ram your cock back down her throat. Repeat until satisfied. "You should see how hot/slutty you look with my cock down your throat." For subs, make her do this on her knees. If she closes her eyes or looks down, tug at her hair or grab her chin so she's lo at you: "Eyes open/Look up, I want to see that pretty face of yours as you suck me."
Facials. "What a pretty face you have...I think I want to see it covered in my cum". "I'm going to cum all over that pretty face of yours." Once you've proceeded to unleash your load all over her face, smear some cum over her lips and get some on your fingers. Make her lick it off. Take a picture.
Sex toys! This could honestly be a thread in itself. Toys for bondage (i.e. rope, handcuffs, tape, blindfolds), spanking (i.e. whips, paddles - though you can easily substitute with household items, things like rulers, the back of a hair brush, a cooking spoon, a belt, etc), vibrators, anal toys, dildos.
Take control of her masturbation. Force her to touch herself but make it clear that she is NOT allowed to bring herself to orgasm. Get a remote controlled vibrator. Tie her up and use it on her - control the settings: bring her to the brink, then stop it. "How badly do you want to cum right now?" "Give me a good reason to let you come (let her stammer out some answer)...not good enough."
Submission. Make her wear a collar. Tell her she can only move on her hands and knees unless you give her permission. Command her in all aspects (i.e. "I want your eyes lowered unless I say otherwise." "Look at me only when I speak to you." "I want you naked for the rest of the night, is that clear? Now strip") Make her confirm your dominance: After each command: "Do you understand me?" "Are you going to obey like a good little slave?" Make her thank you after performing certain tasks, this is especially fun in terms of punishment: "I want you to thank me every time I slap you, do you understand?" Reinforce your punishments "You know why you're being punished don't you?" (Make her give you the reason) "That's right, because you were a disobedient little bitch. Now are you going to do better next time?"
More intense "rape" play: Shove her face down into a pillow while you take her from behind. Hold her down by firmly pressing your palm to her back, or twist her wrists behind her back. Pull on her hair (again while in doggy style).
Slap her across the face : Slap her face with your hand (or cock), alternate with tender cheek cupping between slaps. My Other half tends to use slaps as punishment (aside from the usual spanking): slap"Don't disobey me again." slap.
Choking: Place your hands around her neck and squeeze lightly - never squeeze for too long, and make sure to constantly monitor her to ensure that she can breathe properly!! Please NEVER put direct pressure on the front of the throat (trachea area). Use light pressure with your fingers or thumb along the side. PLEASE PLEASE research breath play if you are interested in this - I cannot stress the importance of safety, there are MAJOR risks engaging in this activity and it is not something that should be experimented with without knowing how to go about it!!
Make her clean you up after you cum: If you cum on your stomach, make her lick it up. "Make sure you lick it clean like a good slut, don't waste a single drop of cum." Or if you cum in her mouth: "Make sure you swallow every drop of cum I give you." Reward her with a kiss or glide a finger against her lips once she's swallowed: "Good girl." "You're such a cum-loving little whore." Lastly, demand that she cleans your cock after she "made a mess by dripping her pussy juices all over it." (Not a good idea after anal play for obvious reasons - instead, wipe your cock across her breasts/stomach)

control  and  dominate