One of the biggest problems for a couple who are just embarking on the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is keeping discipline real. A frequent cause of inadequate discipline is when the HOH becomes sexually aroused by the disciplinary process. Instead of concentrating on spanking his woman, he switches into a lovemaking mode.
This can occur quite early on in the disciplinary process. It is possible for some HOH's to become aroused simply by the sight of their woman's bare bottom. She may not even have had time to lay across his lap when his sexual interest turns the situation from a disciplinary one into a purely erotic one.
In other cases, the HOH may begin spanking his woman's bottom but will become aroused. Part way through her discipline or punishment, he stops spanking her and starts making love to her.
What is wrong with this situation? Isn't it good to make love? This lifestyle is called "Loving" Domestic Discipline, after all. While there is nothing wrong (and almost everything good) about making love, the start or the middle of a discipline is not the right time for lovemaking. A woman is disciplined for her own good, for the good of her relationship and for the good of her home and family. She is not disciplined as a means of making her remove her clothes for her HOH's sexual benefit. She is spanked to tears in order to teach her submission, obedience, respect, honesty, femininity and love. These are all very important lessons for a woman to be taught, which is why she needs to be disciplined for her own good.
Many people come to the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle through an initial interest in spanking as an erotic activity - usually, as a prelude to sex. The deeper significance and the personal benefits of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle are immediately appealing, turning an originally sexual interest into a far more profoundly personal growth based one.
It is not surprising, therefore, that occasionally an HOH may become distracted by the erotic potential of a spanking and forget his responsibilities in relation to disciplining his woman in order to improve her behavior and attitude. It is natural for an HOH to become aroused by the sight of his woman's bare bottom. His natural sexual instincts dictate such an attraction. Some HOHs are also attracted by the feel or the touch of their woman's bottom as they spank it. A woman's bottom is attractive to most men.
The impact of this kind of distraction on the woman being disciplined cannot be underestimated. It can be extremely disappointing for a woman to have her punishment or maintenance spanking turn into a lovemaking session, even though she would normally welcome the opportunity to have sex with her husband. It may seem illogical for a woman to be disappointed by the prospect of having her punishment canceled in favor of a lovemaking session. But the purpose of discipline is not sex, even if the couple will eventually make love some time after the woman's punishment.
The purpose of discipline is to teach the woman submission, obedience, respect, honesty and love. The purpose of discipline is to correct the woman's misbehavior or to remind her of her HOH's authority. The purpose of discipline is to reconnect the woman with her own femininity. The purpose of discipline is to reunite the woman with her HOH in a deep, loving and spiritual way.
When a woman is deprived of the discipline she knows she deserves and needs, her disappointment will not be fully replaced by the pleasure of sex. Even though she may feel temporarily relieved by the cessation of her painful, humiliating spanking, her relief will be short lived when she realizes that she has missed out on the positive learning experience that only Loving Domestic Discipline can provide. She has missed out on the deep emotional catharsis of being spanked to tears by her HOH. She has missed out on the even deeper emotional cleansing of a Tearful Discipline, in which she is spanked while she cries and sobs. She has missed out on the genuine forgiveness of her HOH. She has missed out on the tearful yet poignant reconciliation with her HOH after her spanking is completed.
She will often feel let down by her HOH. In a sense, this is correct, because he has neglected his disciplinary duties in order to seek his pleasure with his woman. There is a time for making love to her and there is a time for disciplining her. While no one can deny him the pleasure of looking at his wife's naked body, even during a punishment spanking, it is so much better for everyone concerned if he can prevent himself from giving in to his sexual urges before he has thoroughly disciplined his woman. When a woman is corporally punished, she needs to be punished thoroughly and she needs to be brought to a state of tearful submission. If she is not punished adequately, she may end up misbehaving more than she would have if she had not been punished at all. It is important that whenever a woman is disciplined by her HOH that her punishment is full, thorough and complete. If she is not sobbing and submissive by the end of her discipline, it is strongly possible that she was not punished adequately.
The purpose of this article is not to give ammunition to women who are frustrated by discipline sessions cut short by lovemaking. Yes, it is understandable if a woman feels frustrated, disappointed and uncared for when her spanking is unfinished. But no, it is not acceptable for her to angrily denounce her HOH's behavior, because this is both counterproductive and highly disrespectful. As a woman, she owes her HOH obedience and respect. She also owes him her loyalty, which is an expression of her love and her obedience.
How can the problem of sex overtaking the disciplinary process be resolved? The first solution is simply one of awareness. Simply realizing the detrimental effects of prematurely halting a woman's discipline can be enough for the HOH (and perhaps his woman too) to modify his behavior. Some women know that it would be better for them to be properly punished, yet will actively encourage their HOH's sexual attentions, merely to escape the pain of their spanking. This is not behavior that benefits the woman, so she should stop it. This issue is not always entirely the HOH's fault, it must be noted. If an HOH observes that his woman is attempting to use her sexual wiles to distract him from his duty of punishing her for her own good, he should realize that his woman is guilty of disobedience, dishonesty and disrespect. Since her disobedience has taken place during the disciplinary process, she has committed the type of offense that should be dealt with via a firm Disobedience Discipline. It is completely unacceptable for the woman to attempt to undermine the punishment process and her HOH's resolve by attempting to turn the situation from a disciplinary one into a sexual one.
The second solution to this problem is to deal with the issue of sexual arousal. One way of doing this is to simply have more frequent sex. If an HOH has to discipline his woman but has not had the chance to make love to her for some hours/days/weeks/months, he will be more likely to become aroused during the punishment process. Making love more frequently will mean that the woman's naked body will not be a stranger to her HOH. It will mean that his sexual appetites will have been more recently sated. This will free him to punish her more thoroughly, leaving her sobbing and submissive but ultimately deeply happy and fulfilled in her womanhood.
A third solution to unfinished discipline is to ensure that a higher ratio between sex and Maintenance Discipline exists. Some couples notice an uncomfortable relationship between the incidence of Maintenance Discipline and the incidence of lovemaking. That is to say, they are identical. There is nothing wrong with that, but if the sex starts interfering with the discipline, there is an issue that needs to be resolved. By making love more frequently than the woman's Maintenance Discipline schedule, the likelihood of sexual arousal interrupting the disciplinary process will be dramatically reduced.
Sometimes an HOH will feel as though he can only make love to his woman during or after discipline. This most commonly occurs when he has not yet realized that his wife should be fulfilling her conjugal duties at all times, not only when she is being disciplined or punished. If an HOH is afraid to take charge, he may only feel able to make love to his woman after he has disciplined her, because only then is he reasonably certain that she will not reject his sexual advances. It is important for him to teach his woman to be submissive at all times, not just during or after discipline. This includes her submitting to his amorous attentions as a loving and submissive wife should. When an HOH realizes this, he will feel free to make love to his woman whenever he likes, instead of only when he is disciplining her.
A fourth solution, which is the exact inverse of the third one, is to increase the frequency of the woman's Maintenance Disciplines. If the woman is receiving a maintenance spanking once a month, it might be time to increase it to twice a month or even weekly. If a woman is receiving a weekly Maintenance Discipline, her HOH might consider spanking her for maintenance two or three times a week instead.
How will increasing the woman's maintenance frequency help? Won't it just make the problem worse? In most cases, no. Increasing Maintenance Discipline frequency will make discipline a more common occurrence in the home. It will establish discipline as a separate, important activity that is clearly distinguished from sex. Do not forget that a regular Maintenance Discipline schedule not only helps the woman with her submission - it also helps the HOH with his consistency. More frequent maintenance spankings will encourage the HOH to be more consistent with discipline and less tempted to turn a disciplinary session into lovemaking before the woman has been properly punished.